35 Weeks Pregnant with Baby #3

Here: let's do a little fun comparison...

here was me at 33 weeks with Christopher, 33 and then 35 weeks with Ryan :) 

(FYI: Christopher was 10 lbs 3 oz at birth and Ryan was 10 days early and 8 lbs 6 oz.... so had he gone full term he would've been very near 10 lbs, too!)

I, personally, do not feel as large as I did with either of the boys! 

I feel much more like how I was at 31 weeks with them. 

Maybe that's because I've been swimming this pregnancy and just feel better in general (not as sore and more energy!) or HOPEFULLY it's an indicator that the little princess is going to be a wee bit smaller in size than those big brothers of hers. 

PREGNANCY STATS:

- weight gain: approximately 15 lbs 

- she is head down and moves A LOT!

- Lia is very scheduled. She moves at certain times. Sleeps at specific times. I feel she is a peaceful baby with a mellow yet adamant spirit. I don't think it's going to be ANYTHING like what I experienced with the boys. She wakes at 4, 7, and 10 pm. Then from around 11:30 / midnight until 7:30 / 8:00 a.m. she is..... sleeping. 

- cravings: none

- cold: FINALLY completely gone

- still swimming (well...who am I kidding....still FLOATING!)  Next week I have us booked for 6 days of swimming. I want to be ready for labor / delivery!

- started drinking my delicious third trimester / labor prep tea and started Evening Primrose Oil regimen more on that here

- NESTED. Got baby's stuff all ready and the complete last of things was ordered for her. 

(batteries for swing, bottles washed and ready, still need to completely pack / re-pack labor bag, though)

I have also started doing some "birth affirmations".  Sounds corny, I know. 

But seriously: when I was pregnant with Christopher and during the labor / delivery I learned a lot about myself. I learned to trust my body instinctively. Prior to this week I tried to take 15 minutes in the morning and 15 minutes before bed to just silently lay there and think about little baby. Now I'm actively visualizing everything and a good labor. I REALLY want her to come out in a state of peace. I do not want a repeat colic baby like with  Ryan. Kid cried every waking moment and was in a baby carrier between 16 and 22 hours PER DAY for his first 3 months of life. The doctors actually kicked me out of the ER because he had such extreme colic but there was nothing medically wrong and nothing they could do for me. Yep.  So: I want a peaceful baby and I want to do everything I possibly can to ensure I get one :) 

Anyways. 

I also really want to do this labor / delivery naturally. 

I just think: why not.

I mean: I won't kick myself if I end up with an epidural or something comes up.

I just really feel I want to try out this whole self-affirming hypno thing I'm trying out. 

Harnessing the inner warrior goddess of untapped potential. 

Ok - not that extreme. But: you get it ;) 

I just had such a beautiful experience when Christopher came out and it's a memory I'll remember forever and ever and ever just absolutely imprinted on my heart.

With Ryan? Yeah. I didn't have that. 

And I want it again.

Anyhow. Off to bed for me and the munchkin.

Tomorrow's plans: working online on my site and getting everything set up so after I have her I can easily transition back into working from home with the right foundation.

Then you all can follow my post-baby body journey! (or whatever you want to call it!)

Thanks for reading and following along my journey. 

You might also be interested in:

-- Name Reveal

-- 34 weeks (baby #2)

-- 35 weeks (baby #1) Oh my gosh.... I can't believe how different I am now!  I was so ....shy back then! PS - DO NOT USE THAT LAUNDRY DETERGENT FROM MY VIDEO! AGHHH!!!

.....how little I knew then.  WWW.NONTOXICDIVA.COM 

Feel free to subscribe to my YouTube channel if you'd like!

It's where I put out new videos, random life moments, updates.... etc. 

Pretty much anything going on and then I organize them into playlists.

Been vloggin' since 2009! Can't believe how much things have changed since then....

Appointment Update (34 Weeks) and HILARIOUS Story From Yesterday "Tattoo in Fur" ....

I REALLY don't feel like typing everything today:
so you'll have to check out the video below! :)
Long story short: my hunch yesterday that I posted in this video (click to watch) WAS RIGHT! 

...and Lia is going to have to come in 4 weeks....
I KNOW.
"Baby will come when she's ready." 
"Don't rush it."
"You know: it's good to keep them in there as long as possible!" 
Rest-assured: I am not trying to go into labor in the next week or two.
 BELIEVE ME. I am soaking this all up!

But for a couple GOOD reasons I would like to go a little early.
1.)  Given my medical history / problems during delivery and history of large babies (Christopher was 10 lbs and had Ryan gone until his due date he would've been 10 lbs, too!) it would be VERY beneficial to Lia and I BOTH if she came a little earlier and was a WEE BIT SMALLER. 
Simply because I want to avoid a c-section as much as possible and I want my waterbirth!

.... which means I cannot have a big baby. Or they won't let me attempt delivery.

2.) And - I know this may be slightly self-ish - but my doctor will be out of town the last week of October until (I believe) November 1st or 2nd..... yeah. 
Obviously she's the only doctor I've been seen by, she knows my pregnancy, is VERY familiar with my history.... and I REALLY don't want to have some random doctor delivering Lia! 

Here's my thought:
 How fabulous to even have her on the 18th. Then the photographer that I SO BADLY WANT could even be there as well ;) 
So keep that in your thoughts / prayers. I'd like that to happen. hahaha
ok - got that Lia? 18th. Let's do this. :)

Directly below is the video overview and then below THAT video is the HILARIOUS thing that Christopher told some random lady in the store yesterday.... I couldn't even believe it.

Christopher's First Day of School + 33 Weeks Baby #3

Time is certainly flying by!
Had my first official "craving: crepes.  I had them 2 days in a row!
Friday was Christopher's first day at school  :)  
Well.... first day of actually GOING to school anyways!
We do school a little UN-traditionally (sort've like everything else in our life!)
We started homeschooling in summertime but now there is this really great program in the area
where he is able to technically be enrolled in the public school system and then he attends school 1x / week with other kids who are enrolled in the same program.  On school days they cover electives and do things like: play, music, gym class, lunch, recess, art, library time.  It's pretty awesome!
I know this isn't the explanatory post as to why I decided to do it this way... so I'll give you a recap:
1.) Christopher STILL takes naps during the day and NEEDS to rest.  I think school isn't designed around the needs of the child or the family.... but involves convenience and it goes against our natural biological clocks!
2.)  School simply isn't for everyone. Each child learns differently. Christopher is one of those kids.  He's very social and outgoing; a truly unique personality that I know would be squashed out in traditional school.
Anyways.  That and the fact that we like to travel and have freedom.... and going to school everyday.... getting up at 7 and getting home at 4.... that just didn't feel very free.

So onto his first day of school: I was / am 33 weeks 
I woke up early to bake him some zucchini bread.
He woke up at 6:22 A.M.!!!!  Can you tell that somebody was a little excited?! 
Then Ryan woke up, too and was giving Christopher "fashion advice" for his first day of school and how to look "cool" so other kids would play with him (I was sitting in the other room just laughing as I was listening to them!)
He eventually settled on a button down shirt and a red sweatshirt over the top and some jeans.  He also wore his neon green + blue tennis shoes.
In his backpack he wanted to take his pencil box and crayons.  And I believe Ryan also shoved a carrot in there for his snack time ;)
Then we went outside to scramble out some "first day of school pictures"! and piled into the car.
He was excited to make friends and see his teacher.
We walked in and he introduced himself to everyone he met in the hallway: "Hi!  My name is Christopher and I'm five. What's your name?"  and the one woman told him and then he stuck out his hand to shake hers and said, "It's nice to meet you!"  and then she walked him to the classroom.
It was pretty adorable!

This kid is going to be the one that's like. "Yeah whatever mom. See ya later!" When / If he goes to college someday. He's TOTALLY like me!  He just walks into the room.  Didn't even say goodbye just started talking to the teacher and the kids and then playing with a vacuum they had in the toy area.
Ryan was NOT impressed to leave brother behind. 
I think he thought we were just going to take him and then we would all stay for a little bit and then go home. So if you notice his face in the picture below: he was NOT impressed with how things ACTUALLY went down. (i.e. we left Christopher there)
His words were, "I am MAD.  I miss my brudder AWREADY!"
and he insisted that he was NOT going to have fun at the adventure center (the place he goes to in the YMCA while I swim) and he was just going to sit in the corner and not talk to anyone!

Ryan and I had a very .... quiet.... relaxed afternoon.  Odd doesn't even begin to describe it!
I made dinner in advance so that day I could just come home and lounge with the boys because I figured Christopher would be pretty tuckered out. 

We went back to pick him up and Ryan let go of my hand and took off at a full run: pushing past everyone to get into the room.  I called after him, "Ryan - come here!"  and he responded with, "I need to go get my brudder!!!!!"  
I was able to follow shortly behind and I found Ryan in the classroom standing proudly next to Christopher with this HUGE grin on his face.  When I walked up to them Ryan says to me, "I found brudder. I'm happy now!"  -----> *heart melt*  awww!!!

His teacher and a couple other administrators / program directors all said he was VERY helpful and did well on his first day. He liked music class very much and was one of the loudest singers.  For his "theme week" (each kiddo gets to pick a theme for one week out of the school year) Christopher chose "trains".   
 One of the other things I heard (which I hear alot) was, "Wow. He's not shy AT ALL, is he?" ..... nope. He sure isn't!  9 months old and he would put his arms up in the air in the "pick-me-up" baby sign language: only he would do it do complete strangers in the store!  There were plenty of times where I would just turn around and he would be following somebody else or another family around the store.  The doctor's assessment of, "Don't worry.  This will pass.  He'll get stranger anxiety just like every other kid" did NOT come to pass. Ever.








Anyways: needless to say his first day was a big success. 
However, I know there's NO WAY he could do it everyday! Oh my goodness!  
He was tired out.  We called everyone and he wanted ME to tell them about his first day instead because he was tired and he "had a sickness: allergies".  
He was VERY excited that his dad called to ask him about his first day.  
The day before he had been pretty upset that Rob wasn't going to be there to see him go to school.  That was a little prick to the heart. 
So Friday evening was spent just lounging around the house :) 
Hope you enjoy the pictures below!
ps - when Ryan and I came back to the house there was a package sitting on the doorstep and inside was the adorable rattle and onesie that you see pictured below! AW! 

Christopher: VERY Excited!
"My first day of school!!!"

Ryan: NOT so excited
"I am MAD.  I miss my brudder awready!"

The ADORABLE rattle and octopus onesie that was waiting on the doorstep!

31 Weeks Pregnant : Baby Number 3

I cannot believe I am 31 weeks pregnant.

Seems like just last week I was finding out on my trip to Orlando in the bathroom of a Wawa gas station! (Don't ask me why. ... gas stations seem to be a popular place for me to pee on a stick! I found out with Christopher in the bathroom of kwik trip).

I do have the live footage of me finding out immediately and my reaction.
If I get enough comments / interest maybe I'll post it! ;) ..... you can DEFINITELY tell it's raw footage and I was. .... a LITTLE SHOCKED to say the least!

Things to do yet:
- find a rock-n-play that I like
- install carseat
- prepare labor bag / diaper bag
... its weird not having a nursery to decorate. But I'm ok with it for now!  Since I nursed for a couple months neither of the boys slept in their rooms for the first couple of months anyways.
I will be SUPER excited to finally get into a place and decorate a room for her,  though!

CRAVINGS: ...none. (still can't stand lettuce or spinach, though. So weird)
COMPLAINTS: a little tired & extra hormonal. ... but that's it.
She moves like crazy, though!
I've never experienced anything like it.

I think she is going to be very scheduled yet mellow baby. Since 20 weeks her sleeping / waking has been extremely regimented. At night she moves around 4 pm, 7 pm, and 10 pm. Then from midnight to 8 a.m. all is quiet! Hence the reason I get 6-8 hrs of sleep at night still (no - I don't wake to pee!)  I would be ok if this continued ;) after the last two this momma could stand a break!

(Fun fact: I actually got kicked out of the doctor with Ryan and they told me there was nothing they could do: that I would just have to wait it out because medically he was fine! It was just the worst case of colic they'd ever seen. Yeah.... I don't talk about that period much. It was INTENSE!)

Hope Y'ALL are enjoying the beginning of fall ;)
(I can say that now since I officially lived in the south for 4 years)

Would love to connect with you! 

You can find my facebook page OR click this link

Instagram: @evolvesara

19 Weeks Pregnant - Ultrasound & Update

The days leading up to yesterday were filled with anticipation and sleepless nights as I anxiously awaited the arrival of my anatomy scan yesterday morning (the halfway ultrasound where you usually get a peek at the gender!) 

 I had a hard time falling asleep as my brain zinged around picturing how my baby might look..... is baby a he or a she?  What boys names do I (we) like? 
 What girls names?  

I woke up Wednesday morning after having a very vivid dream that baby is a boy.

I imagined the look on the boys' faces if they find out that their long-awaited "little sister" (they'd been praying for over a year) is actually a brother!  In fact, when I brought the statistical 50/50 chance to their attention, they both somberly retreated to their room; after which they came out approximately 15 minutes later and had very obviously hatched a genius plan if this were the case.  The boys came out of their room with linked arms - joined forces - to let me know of their genius plan.  If the baby was a brother then what we could (very sensibly) do was sell him to buy a small white puppy (so our dog, Charley, could have a dog friend) and then we could go to the grocery store and simpy order a sister!

 ..... that made me giggle.

 You can't argue with the logic of small children. 

As I sat in the waiting room for my appointment, my excitement started to mix with a twinge of another emotion.  I looked around at all of the couples sitting with each other with giddy smiles on their faces. The man protectively placing a hand on his pregnant loved one's back to gently guide her along and holding the doors open for her.  The look on the young couple's faces as they sat gleaming at the ultrasound pictures of their baby.  I felt slightly envious.  A little sad even.  This is definitely not something I ever envisioned going through.... again.  And certainly not with the person that I love. 

I know that I made the right decision -- for all of us -- he had relapsed with the PTSD and needed to continue to get help.... and until then it simply wasn't a healthy environment for the boys or I. But somehow knowing it was the right decision doesn't necessarily make it easier or change the fact ....I'm still alone now.  It's at times when I feel sad like that, I have to consciously turn my thinking towards the positives otherwise I am sure I would be sucked into a funk! (Like I said: this healing is a CONSCIOUS EFFORT!  Surrounding myself with positive people, listening to only positive music, processing my emotions)  And I couldn't stay sad long yesterday:  I was far too excited to see that beautiful, precious, healthy little baby squirming around: it is such an overhwelming emotion of awe to see that little life on the black and white screen. (and did I mention that I am pretty sure I know the gender!?!  YAY! Stay tuned for the gender reveal!)

I found out that baby is COMPLETELY healthy! 

He / she is measuring ahead of schedule for growth & weight  and is estimated at just under 1 lb already! No surprise there considering the size of the big brothers!  It's hard to believe that this pregnancy is already halfway over with already.... I cannot believe how quickly it is flying by.  I am certain that the rest of it will continue to do so and I intend to savor every little moment   :) 

When baby starts squirming around I just lay there and feel him / her moving.  It's so beatiful.

It's also a little bittersweet sometimes: for so long my husband and I  had talked about having another baby:  and now that we are?  Well.... just goes to show you that even the best laid plans can change.

  My heart does grieve for the moments he's missing (with the boys and this baby) but I am working on coming to terms with the fact that you cannot make yourself responsible for another's actions or happiness. 

Right now - today - I feel angry.  I'm angry that instead of getting help for the relapse with the PTSD; he has seemingly succumbed to the belief that the PTSD is just "who he is".... far from the truth.  I'm frustrated.  Mainly because no matter what: you can't make somebody want to work on things.  You can't make them get help.  You can't make them care about you.  You can't make them want to be with you or their family.  You can't make them do anything.

I guess it just puts it into perspective that there are things we simply cannot control.  The only thing I can control at this point is what I, personally, decide to do with the cards I've been dealt.

And I choose to continue to love and hope: for our family and for his healing.

The part that gets to me the most are the innocent victims of the PTSD: the children.  They're the innocent bystanders caught up in the explosion. I have been doing emotionally o.k. since posting my first blogs and focusing on my own healing (which - as I said - takes WORK and FOCUS!)  but today was a rough day.  A day when I just let the emotions come and dealt with them as they showed up because I know the price of keeping them stuffed down!

I cried in the car on the way back from baby shopping because I knew I wasn't coming home to share in the excitement of adorable outfits for our baby with my husband.

I cried because today I could really use a loving hug and a back massage.... I remember him talking to my pregnant belly with Ryan.

I cried because when the pregnancy update came up on my phone's app it said on the bottom to continue to get love, hugs, kisses, and encouragement from my partner.  It just got to me: all of the recommended things to do with my significant other this week to prepare for our baby...

 -------> The writers of these apps obviously don't take into account the single mothers out there.

I just sat there at the red light with tears streaming down my face; acutely aware of the passengers in other vehicles just staring at me as we were stopped.... and I was ok with it.  I'm not going to have it together every single second of every single day.  Some days are going to be rougher than others.

(I'm sure the surging of pregnancy hormones certainly don't help the Niagara Falls coming from my eye sockets!) 

But at the end of the day: I have SO much to be grateful for. 

I am grateful that I have my beautiful kids with me everyday and I get to enjoy every precious moment with them.  I cannot imagine one day looking back and realizing that I willingly missed out.

I am grateful for my faith: because right now... without it?  I would be nothing.  My faith gives me hope and it's what keeps me going when all I really want to do is crumble up into a ball.  I can honestly say that without the hope I have in my heart I wouldn't even get out of bed in the morning.

I am grateful for my healthy baby.

I am grateful for the strength I am finding.

I am grateful for the support and knowing that I am not alone.

I know I will continue to have days that are tougher and I intend to be prepared for them: it's the best thing I can do.  Have a Game Plan.  I know that my own personal healing is a process and as the days go by there's going to be things I deal with that haven't come up yet.

So I relaxed today.  Listened to my positive songs playlist.  I napped when the boys napped.  I just "felt it out" and let the emotions come.