I'VE MOVED! COME TO THE NEW BLOG!

CLICK HERE ----> www.saramichaels.com

UNSEEN FOOTAGE!!! ----> What's My Channel About @ sboell002

I think some of you know that I have been vlogging (fancy term for "Video Blogging") since 2009 when I got pregnant with Christopher!
I started because I wanted to have a way to remember stuff AND because I wasn't living in the same area as my family and friends so it was a fun way to keep them posted.
Well .... little did I know it would turn into more and turn into YEARS of vlogging!
Lots of my videos outside of pregnancy were just random life updates and some monthly montages....
and then with this pregnancy life is SO CRAZY and there just didn't feel like that much to report on baby number three.
However... I still wanted to do something fun and unique.
So I decided to do daily vlogs : countdown to baby until she gets here!
Which... could be in a week and a half. Two weeks. Heck it could be another month from now!
I guess we'll find out!

ALSO: I found my footage from when I first found out I was pregnant
REMEMBER: I had already left and was on VACATION IN FLORIDA when I found out.
I actually left my mom and boys at the hotel to go "clean out the car".
And .... I found out for a SECOND TIME in a gas station bathroom that I was pregnant.
So here is some of the NEVER BEFORE SEEN FOOTAGE of my literal INITIAL REACTION.

Oh yeah. It's legit.
Hope you enjoy!
And stay tuned to THIS PLAYLIST right here for me Countdown to Baby Daily Vlogs!
Thanks for watching :)

Trippy Rainbow Relaxation Experience! Office Re-arranging and Weekend Stuff

TIMEHOP:

Aw.... 3 years ago today we were unpacking everything to move into our new house in Niceville, FL.

Christopher decorated Ryan with stickers.

Oh, how I miss Florida and can't wait to move back someday!

So in case you haven't read my blog on it: I'm at WEEK 35 in pregnancy!
Here's how my first night of listening to "Rainbow Relaxation" went.... 
I'm not sure if anybody else has experienced anything like this: but I certainly wasn't expecting it!
Like I said in the video.... this is my brain NOT on drugs. Can you even imagine it if I were?! Oh my gosh. No. Nope. 

Let me recap my "Rainbow Relaxation" experience: 
(if you watch the video below I explain it a little more.... it was....INTERESTING!)
I floated through some violet mist towards 
this beautiful, peaceful, relaxing stream in the middle of nowhere.  I just watched the sparkly blue water until I decided to
stroll across the lush green grass into the green forest where I finally found a beautiful, soft patch of green moss to lay down on.  As I lay on the moss I looked up and saw the 
warm sunshine with it's beautiful rays of warm light just shining down on me. I laid there and felt the warmth on my face and cheeks until I decided to get up and
walk a little until I came to this clearing in the woods filled with orange poppies.  The flowers were so pretty and I just watched them for awhile before finally
floating up into the clouds. 


Today I am re-arranging the office downstairs. 
This cozy house. Oh it's like tetris!
Even though it's 1/3 the size of our old house.... I can't complain because it's exactly what we need right now. And I know we won't live here FOREVER. 
Here's what I repeat to myself:
"be faithful with the little things and you will be made ruler over much"
it's essentially the "prosper where you're planted" philosophy and one of the laws of nature. 
If you want to be given more (bigger, better) then you have to be trusted with what you have first!
.... so that means taking care of this wonderful, adorable, cozy, tiny little house until it one day leads up into taking care of my "dream house"! This right here is just practice.
Plus it's REALLY forcing my creative side to come out as I try to fit everything just right in it's place.


My mom took the boys to the Adventure Center this morning so I could get some stuff done.
Which also included giving myself a fabulous new (NONTOXIC) manicure.
Excuse me.... "jamicure" ;) 
Oh I'm so glad I found these. 
And my  Jamberry consultant. She's so awesome!
Seriously: she's the best. So if you're looking for a place to order these / try these out you have to get them from her!
And I LOVE being able to support moms and wives in business. Doesn't that make more sense than just throwing your money at big corporations like Wal-Mart? 
(PS - I'm cheap. It's no secret. You all know I will hunt down a good deal and I RARELY EVER ever EVER buy anything that's not on clearance or at a discount....
But DON'T buy knockoff nail wraps from a store. They DO NOT come anywhere close. Mine peeled off within 2 days! TOTAL Waste of money!)
So if you haven't tried these yet you can get in touch with her HERE (yay she just got a facebook page going!) to try a sample or place your order (if you click the last link it'll take you straight to her site) She's fantastic!  Her name is Cindell. 
"Like" her page and tell her Sara sent you over.... maybe she'll throw in something extra special ;)


anyways. 

I also took some fun pictures today. I was loving my belly!
I figure I have to treasure and cherish it these last couple of weeks while I still have it because I am going to miss it when it's gone!  She's so peaceful and beautiful and wonderful already. 
I can't wait to meet my princess <3 











Oh.... by the way.
If you've ever gotten completely frustrated by the fact that your kids are just.... AGH!
No attention span. 
They can't play with something longer than 5 minutes.
Every night its 30 minutes to an hour of cleanup that HAS to be supervised by you ending up in disorganized chaos and you wanting to pull your hair out....
then I HIGHLY recommend doing a toy purge and just getting rid of EVERYTHING.
Or.... most of it and only keeping a very very few select amount of educational items.
It's been AMAZING!
More on my entire experience with this later and how exactly it went down.....

but long story short:
the kids play outside for HOURS at a time now and occupy themselves.
They have plenty of outside toys but what did they spend 2.5 hours playing with the other day?
Boxes. BOXES. B-O-X-E-S my friend. Making them into houses, pirate ships, you name it. 
Ahhh but they're so deprived my children :) 
Look at him all happy and stuff. 

Thanks for reading and following along on our family's journey!

35 Weeks Pregnant with Baby #3

Here: let's do a little fun comparison...

here was me at 33 weeks with Christopher, 33 and then 35 weeks with Ryan :) 

(FYI: Christopher was 10 lbs 3 oz at birth and Ryan was 10 days early and 8 lbs 6 oz.... so had he gone full term he would've been very near 10 lbs, too!)

I, personally, do not feel as large as I did with either of the boys! 

I feel much more like how I was at 31 weeks with them. 

Maybe that's because I've been swimming this pregnancy and just feel better in general (not as sore and more energy!) or HOPEFULLY it's an indicator that the little princess is going to be a wee bit smaller in size than those big brothers of hers. 

PREGNANCY STATS:

- weight gain: approximately 15 lbs 

- she is head down and moves A LOT!

- Lia is very scheduled. She moves at certain times. Sleeps at specific times. I feel she is a peaceful baby with a mellow yet adamant spirit. I don't think it's going to be ANYTHING like what I experienced with the boys. She wakes at 4, 7, and 10 pm. Then from around 11:30 / midnight until 7:30 / 8:00 a.m. she is..... sleeping. 

- cravings: none

- cold: FINALLY completely gone

- still swimming (well...who am I kidding....still FLOATING!)  Next week I have us booked for 6 days of swimming. I want to be ready for labor / delivery!

- started drinking my delicious third trimester / labor prep tea and started Evening Primrose Oil regimen more on that here

- NESTED. Got baby's stuff all ready and the complete last of things was ordered for her. 

(batteries for swing, bottles washed and ready, still need to completely pack / re-pack labor bag, though)

I have also started doing some "birth affirmations".  Sounds corny, I know. 

But seriously: when I was pregnant with Christopher and during the labor / delivery I learned a lot about myself. I learned to trust my body instinctively. Prior to this week I tried to take 15 minutes in the morning and 15 minutes before bed to just silently lay there and think about little baby. Now I'm actively visualizing everything and a good labor. I REALLY want her to come out in a state of peace. I do not want a repeat colic baby like with  Ryan. Kid cried every waking moment and was in a baby carrier between 16 and 22 hours PER DAY for his first 3 months of life. The doctors actually kicked me out of the ER because he had such extreme colic but there was nothing medically wrong and nothing they could do for me. Yep.  So: I want a peaceful baby and I want to do everything I possibly can to ensure I get one :) 

Anyways. 

I also really want to do this labor / delivery naturally. 

I just think: why not.

I mean: I won't kick myself if I end up with an epidural or something comes up.

I just really feel I want to try out this whole self-affirming hypno thing I'm trying out. 

Harnessing the inner warrior goddess of untapped potential. 

Ok - not that extreme. But: you get it ;) 

I just had such a beautiful experience when Christopher came out and it's a memory I'll remember forever and ever and ever just absolutely imprinted on my heart.

With Ryan? Yeah. I didn't have that. 

And I want it again.

Anyhow. Off to bed for me and the munchkin.

Tomorrow's plans: working online on my site and getting everything set up so after I have her I can easily transition back into working from home with the right foundation.

Then you all can follow my post-baby body journey! (or whatever you want to call it!)

Thanks for reading and following along my journey. 

You might also be interested in:

-- Name Reveal

-- 34 weeks (baby #2)

-- 35 weeks (baby #1) Oh my gosh.... I can't believe how different I am now!  I was so ....shy back then! PS - DO NOT USE THAT LAUNDRY DETERGENT FROM MY VIDEO! AGHHH!!!

.....how little I knew then.  WWW.NONTOXICDIVA.COM 

Feel free to subscribe to my YouTube channel if you'd like!

It's where I put out new videos, random life moments, updates.... etc. 

Pretty much anything going on and then I organize them into playlists.

Been vloggin' since 2009! Can't believe how much things have changed since then....

34 Weeks Pregnant

34 Weeks Pregnant:
Weight gain: 13 - 17 lbs (depending on the day. I was fluctuating with water weight!)
----> starting to feel antsy. Starting to feel uncomfortable. My pelvis hurts!  She feels lower and is getting bigger.
----> my visions of swimming laps like a champ up until 40 weeks pregnant were bunked.  I doggy-paddle / side swim down to one end and get winded easily.  My belly feels so weird in the water! When I'm in it I can easily make out every part of her adorable little body. I can distinctly feel knees (which she loves to jab out) whenever I swim on my stomach.

34 Weeks pregnant was definitely an interesting week.
RECAP: Thursday was the first day going to a get-together for Moms in town and I am SO glad I went. They had delicious, amazing food.... great company.... everything was decorated straight off of a Pinterest board, and there was free childare for the kiddos for the 2 hours we were there!  I met some incredible ladies and had a blast while my kids got to get some socialization, too.
You know, so they don't end up turning into socially awkward rejects because we're doing "untraditional schooling" and all WATCH VIDEO HERE
I left the meeting feeling completely refreshed.
Lia was kicking me during the meeting. I got to get dressed up and wear my grey lace dress, leggings, and new brown boots.
I enjoyed some yummy spinach salad with raspberry vinaigrette dressing.
I got to laugh with some like-minded ladies and share a little of our lives (ups and downs) and laughs.
I'm so glad I had that little mental pick-me-up because immediately afterwards I got a phone call I had NOT been wanting to get that had started coming the night before.
I had already known it was coming.
It had to happen.
Doesn't make it any easier.
I know that sounds so vague: but.... I just can't share everything here and now.
Just know that someday when I finish my book (when this chapter / story has an ending!) : you'll remember this blog post and you'll get to know the "behind the scenes" of everything. 
Lets suffice it to say that the bigger the mess: the bigger the opportunity for a really, REALLY great turnaround, right?
Anyways. I am glad that I had gotten refreshed before I got the phone call I did. It was hard.
At one hand I felt like my heart was shattering but on the other hand: (as crazy as this sounds) it makes me ..... a little....excited when things are just so unbelievably, ridiculously, unimaginably in such a state of chaos.
why?
Well.  Because I know God's promises. Promises for hope and a future. Promises that love never fails.  Promises to prosper us.  Promises that there will be seasons in our life; and if we are diligent we will reap a proper harvest.
Even if I didn't believe in God. It's scientifically proven: for every action there's an equal and opposite RE-action, correct? Yes. You can't dispute that because those are scientifically proven facts.
So on that theory: if something in life is awfully, AWFULLY bad.... then can't you also take hope in the fact that things (when they take a turn) will be equally and oppositely .... AMAZING...RIGHT? That gives me a little bit of sunshine, too.

So. Things may not be going in a way that I can figure out how or why.... but I'm still ok.
I still feel at peace.
And I'm sure being sick (Christopher picked up a nasty bug at school), getting stressed, and then having that darn shot on Wednesday that my body didn't like did NOT help as I ended up in the ER early Friday morning with terrible, terrible chest pains.
Ha. Maybe it was just a broken heart. Literally.
*knee slapper*
Ok. That's not very funny because that actually might've had something to do with it (although I know it wasn't the whole problem).
Anyways. Things turned out to be fine. They weren't exactly sure what was causing it. 

The next few days have just spent doing a lot of taking time out for myself and taking it very easy. 
Focusing a lot on relaxing and enjoying my boys. 
I know little Lia Bee is going to be here very soon and my life is going to get very, very different.

I do, though. Wish more than anything right now I had my whole family together.
I miss my husband something terrible.
And it seems the bigger my belly gets.... the more I miss him.
I've woken up a few times now and found that I was clutching his flag patch from his uniform or his dog tags or a picture of us. And I don't even know how I got them other than I must've woken up, sleepwalked, and got them sometime during the night.
Every time  I hear the neighbor pull in on his motorcycle or a car pulling into the drive - no matter what time it is - I wake straight up out of my sleep and pull the curtains back to see if it's Rob. 
I just keep thinking he's going to pull into the driveway anytime now and everything will be different.
Maybe that sounds crazy.
I don't really care. 
I just.... more than anything I want my family.
My WHOLE family.
Until then. I'm just over here doing my thing and holding down the fort. 
Waiting (sometimes) patiently. As patiently as I can anyways.
Because here's what I believe:

Love bears all things.
Love believes all things.
Love hopes all things.
Love never fails. 

Thanks for reading
Lots of love. 

Baby #3 : Name Reveal

                                                                                                   



























So I am SO excited to be able to post this blog...... I have been waiting anxiously!
We had LOTS of guesses on facebook as to what her name would be and I was really shocked at how many people absolutely nailed it and guessed the first / middle name that I would've put together!
I think - from what I can see, though: we only had ONE PERSON who actually guessed the correct first and middle name.  And I'm going to send her a little prize from my wellness blog (www.NonToxicDiva.com) Just some fun stuff to try out! 

Anyways:  I suppose if you're new here or visiting my blog for the first time: hi there and welcome!
This should bring you up to speed:
1.)  My name is Sara and I have 2 boys and 1 little girl on the way!
2.)  If you're curious as to why I'm currently a "single mom" then you're going to have to check out the featured blogs here and here.  They should bring you up to speed.
Yes it's incredibly hard doing things alone and I wish more than anything that we had our family together right now.... but sometimes life doesn't always go according to plan. So you can either sit there and complain about it OR you can figure out how to adjust.  I chose to adjust. 
I can't hide the fact that it would be so amazing to have my husband and have him here.... but that's just not where we're at right now!  So I enjoy my days and feel very blessed that I have 2 little munchkins that keep me very occupied (and laughing!)  We're getting VERY close to the end. Everything for baby girl is bought and put away.  Her clothes are washed.  The bags are packed and ready to go.  Let's say I'm "prepared" for her (just in case she decides to come early!) but I'm DEFINITELY not "ready" yet.  I haven't hit that point where I say, "Ok. I'm serving you an eviction notice little lady!"  
I have been so, so, SO blessed with a very easy pregnancy. 

AND NOW 
      for the moment you've -- perhaps -- been waiting for: 
THE MUCH ANTICIPATED.....
       NAME REVEAL VIDEO!!!

Thanks for watching!
You may also like the blog post:
Baby #3 "Fun" Facts and How The Name was Picked

You can leave a comment below,
subscribe on YouTube
or connect on Instagram!
thank you all for the love --- so excited to be able to share our family's journey with you and
can't wait to introduce little Miss Lia Victoria in just a few short weeks!

Christopher's First Day of School + 33 Weeks Baby #3

Time is certainly flying by!
Had my first official "craving: crepes.  I had them 2 days in a row!
Friday was Christopher's first day at school  :)  
Well.... first day of actually GOING to school anyways!
We do school a little UN-traditionally (sort've like everything else in our life!)
We started homeschooling in summertime but now there is this really great program in the area
where he is able to technically be enrolled in the public school system and then he attends school 1x / week with other kids who are enrolled in the same program.  On school days they cover electives and do things like: play, music, gym class, lunch, recess, art, library time.  It's pretty awesome!
I know this isn't the explanatory post as to why I decided to do it this way... so I'll give you a recap:
1.) Christopher STILL takes naps during the day and NEEDS to rest.  I think school isn't designed around the needs of the child or the family.... but involves convenience and it goes against our natural biological clocks!
2.)  School simply isn't for everyone. Each child learns differently. Christopher is one of those kids.  He's very social and outgoing; a truly unique personality that I know would be squashed out in traditional school.
Anyways.  That and the fact that we like to travel and have freedom.... and going to school everyday.... getting up at 7 and getting home at 4.... that just didn't feel very free.

So onto his first day of school: I was / am 33 weeks 
I woke up early to bake him some zucchini bread.
He woke up at 6:22 A.M.!!!!  Can you tell that somebody was a little excited?! 
Then Ryan woke up, too and was giving Christopher "fashion advice" for his first day of school and how to look "cool" so other kids would play with him (I was sitting in the other room just laughing as I was listening to them!)
He eventually settled on a button down shirt and a red sweatshirt over the top and some jeans.  He also wore his neon green + blue tennis shoes.
In his backpack he wanted to take his pencil box and crayons.  And I believe Ryan also shoved a carrot in there for his snack time ;)
Then we went outside to scramble out some "first day of school pictures"! and piled into the car.
He was excited to make friends and see his teacher.
We walked in and he introduced himself to everyone he met in the hallway: "Hi!  My name is Christopher and I'm five. What's your name?"  and the one woman told him and then he stuck out his hand to shake hers and said, "It's nice to meet you!"  and then she walked him to the classroom.
It was pretty adorable!

This kid is going to be the one that's like. "Yeah whatever mom. See ya later!" When / If he goes to college someday. He's TOTALLY like me!  He just walks into the room.  Didn't even say goodbye just started talking to the teacher and the kids and then playing with a vacuum they had in the toy area.
Ryan was NOT impressed to leave brother behind. 
I think he thought we were just going to take him and then we would all stay for a little bit and then go home. So if you notice his face in the picture below: he was NOT impressed with how things ACTUALLY went down. (i.e. we left Christopher there)
His words were, "I am MAD.  I miss my brudder AWREADY!"
and he insisted that he was NOT going to have fun at the adventure center (the place he goes to in the YMCA while I swim) and he was just going to sit in the corner and not talk to anyone!

Ryan and I had a very .... quiet.... relaxed afternoon.  Odd doesn't even begin to describe it!
I made dinner in advance so that day I could just come home and lounge with the boys because I figured Christopher would be pretty tuckered out. 

We went back to pick him up and Ryan let go of my hand and took off at a full run: pushing past everyone to get into the room.  I called after him, "Ryan - come here!"  and he responded with, "I need to go get my brudder!!!!!"  
I was able to follow shortly behind and I found Ryan in the classroom standing proudly next to Christopher with this HUGE grin on his face.  When I walked up to them Ryan says to me, "I found brudder. I'm happy now!"  -----> *heart melt*  awww!!!

His teacher and a couple other administrators / program directors all said he was VERY helpful and did well on his first day. He liked music class very much and was one of the loudest singers.  For his "theme week" (each kiddo gets to pick a theme for one week out of the school year) Christopher chose "trains".   
 One of the other things I heard (which I hear alot) was, "Wow. He's not shy AT ALL, is he?" ..... nope. He sure isn't!  9 months old and he would put his arms up in the air in the "pick-me-up" baby sign language: only he would do it do complete strangers in the store!  There were plenty of times where I would just turn around and he would be following somebody else or another family around the store.  The doctor's assessment of, "Don't worry.  This will pass.  He'll get stranger anxiety just like every other kid" did NOT come to pass. Ever.








Anyways: needless to say his first day was a big success. 
However, I know there's NO WAY he could do it everyday! Oh my goodness!  
He was tired out.  We called everyone and he wanted ME to tell them about his first day instead because he was tired and he "had a sickness: allergies".  
He was VERY excited that his dad called to ask him about his first day.  
The day before he had been pretty upset that Rob wasn't going to be there to see him go to school.  That was a little prick to the heart. 
So Friday evening was spent just lounging around the house :) 
Hope you enjoy the pictures below!
ps - when Ryan and I came back to the house there was a package sitting on the doorstep and inside was the adorable rattle and onesie that you see pictured below! AW! 

Christopher: VERY Excited!
"My first day of school!!!"

Ryan: NOT so excited
"I am MAD.  I miss my brudder awready!"

The ADORABLE rattle and octopus onesie that was waiting on the doorstep!

32 WEEKS with Baby #3

Today marks the 32 week mark.
And it's official: time is flying.
Just for fun I went back and read my blogs from my pregnancies with the boys. It's neat to compare and see just how much life has changed since then!

In case you didn't see: it's been a couple days since I had the little preterm labor experience.
(normal for me:  I had it with BOTH of the boys at the 30-32 week mark.  Apparently that's just when my cranky uterus wants to kick baby out!)

I did some hippie things, though (If you want to read the blog on it: CLICK HERE ) and it worked!
I even wrote in there how I was pretty sure I felt her move or flip....
Well yesterday at my appointment my doctor confirmed: she's transverse!
Transverse = laying sideways.

At my 28 week appointment my doctor had noted that she had turned head down and her head was pretty low already (which she was surprised about).  More than likely her position was what could've had alot to do with the labor stuff!  It's also a good thing she flipped when she did.  My doctor said that's most likely what led the contractions to stop.  So for now: I'm completely ok with her not being in the head-down position.  Baby girl has a couple weeks to go before that becomes a concern anyways!

I also found out some sketchy details about just how serious the complications were with my waterbirth delivery of Christopher.  Things I'd only heard about for the first time and - up until this point - had NO IDEA about!  But it'd be too much to type so if you're curious you can check out the video I made last night.  And excuse my random ramblings about taco salad: it's just that I was heavily disappointed by what I received.






  I don't know. Maybe it's just me: would YOU consider that a taco salad?
 I'd love to know.... leave a comment below with YOUR opinions on taco salad! 

Today I dragged my butt to the pool.  I REALLY didn't feel like going. I was tired.
Excuses. Excuses. ;) But I went!  So that was nice.
Felt HUGE today. Ugh. I'm at that point where I'm starting to get uncomfortable just because my belly is big and it pushes everything up and down at the same time. Sitting in the car... ugh.
haha ---> you can tell my attitude this morning was NOT so pleasant! Once I actually get in the pool, though it's a different story.
Glad I did because I ran into somebody I know and we got to chat.
I also got to meet somebody new because I noticed she had Honest Co. Shampoo!
(I thought it was mine for a second and I had to say "hi" because I've never met anyone else around here that uses Honest Co. products!)
PS - if you're curious about what those are / why I use them.... check out my OTHER blog! (dedicated to health, wellness, fun finds.... all that good stuff!) 
-----> www.NonToxicDiva.com
turns out she works at the Y and teaches a couple of classes!  It's nice meeting new people with similar interests!

Had a bit of a hormonal meltdown this afternoon. Randomly!
(Ok. It wasn't exactly random. I'm 32 weeks pregnant, my hormones are going crazy, and I'm all on my own.)
I went into the kitchen to do the dishes and I saw the picture of Rob holding 6-month-old Ryan on the fridge and I just burst into tears.  It really made me sad. It makes me sad because I miss him. And because he's not here. And it makes me sad because you can't make somebody want to be with you or care for you.  It makes me sad because I can't imagine how he felt / feels: thinking that I left because I didn't love him.  Which wasn't the case.
I had to leave.
I made the right decision.
But somehow knowing that doesn't necessarily make any of this easier.
It was his birthday 2 days ago and all I wanted to do was be there to make him chocolate peanut butter cupcakes, decorate the house, give him a huge kiss when he woke up in the morning, have the boys give him presents that they attempted to wrap themselves, & make up for all of the birthdays that he never got anything.
Not a party.
Not a call.
Not a card.
Yes he's a few states away... so being there (especially now) wasn't practical. But even just to be able to call him and tell him, "Hey: happy birthday!  I love you SO MUCH!"  ..... but none of that happened.
I forced myself not to call.
I didn't send anything.
I didn't do anything that a wife could and should do.... because I'm not a wife.
Not because I don't want to be one: but because I have to respect his wishes.... and it's been very clear that he does not want me as a wife. In actuality; I feel like he doesn't know what he wants in life at all.  And until he figures that out for himself; there's nothing I can say or do. Letting go at first was hard.  I felt desperate and helpless; but I got to a place where it was just.... freeing.
It's freeing to know that I am not responsible for him or his actions.
To get to a place where you just "Let Go and Let God" is an amazing feeling.... just knowing in my heart that He is taking care of me... is all the comfort I need.
The comfort that took me YEARS to find. Don't get me wrong:
It was SO difficult to respect his wishes (and myself) enough to just.... step back.
But at the same time. It was a good feeling.

So, today after I looked at that picture and his smiling face: I let myself cry it out for about 5 minutes and then I reached for my positive playlist.
Ironically the first song that came on was this one:
It really just reminds me that even though I don't know why this is happening right now; it's not going to be wasted.

I hope you know that whatever YOU'RE going through right now:
It has a purpose.
Even though you may not understand how or why (and you may NEVER understand)
just know that it's part of a bigger plan.

UPDATE : 31 Weeks + No More Contractions!

We are so blessed by the amount of people surrounding us who are supportive and always keeping us in your thoughts / prayers. I am especially thankful for all of you last night because all of the prayers / thoughts worked!
I woke up this morning after EIGHT SOLID HOURS of sleep with no contractions.
I knew if I could get my body to relax enough to sleep that it would be what it needed to stop it. 
For some reason; my body thinks the 30-32 week mark is a great time to try and go into labor.  It happened at the same time in pregnancy with both of the boys: with Christopher (my first) I ended up going in twice and they were able to stop it by administering the T-shot (Terbutaline). Now - it being my first baby / pregnancy - I had NO idea ... I didn't even question it!  But since then and becoming more health conscious and aware ... I know that it is NOT something you want to be given.  Especially not for me (with a heart condition) as it has been known to cause serious side effects in that department.

Check out the link to the website HERE : which also includes a special warning about no longer administering it to prevent preterm labor. 

With Ryan I was in the hospital already for high-risk complications when I began experiencing preterm labor (I did NOT have an easy pregnancy with him like I am having with this little girl!)  and I honestly can't even remember what they did.  I want to say they DID end up administering the T-shot but ... it was such a whirlwind. We went to my high-risk doctor appointmentt 2 hours away and I ended up being admitted (unexpectedly) into the hospital and they were telling me they might be giving me shots to speed his growth because I might be delivering him early...  It was a crazy, CRAZY 36 hours. 

This time around, after knowing what I know now, I wanted to try to stop labor naturally.
I'd been feeling "off" for a couple days: headache and just in general under the weather (like I mentioned below in the first status update) and I thought it was the flu or something! I had noticed my Braxton Hicks Contractions increased in amount over the past couple of days but thought nothing of it. Then I experienced insomnia (which I've experienced in my third trimester before) for a couple of nights... but just thought it was normal! Then yesterday I woke up in the middle of the night shaky, nauseous, with a terrible TERRIBLE headache, and hot flashes. By yesterday afternoon / evening I didn't have a fever and hadn't been able to get much food down: thankfully my vegan shake mix came in the mail so I was at least able to drink that.  I decided to try to go to the pool just to float around and relax... when I was in the pool I started to actually notice that the contractions were a little.... stronger... than before.

After an hour I started to time them out of curiosity...25-30 minutes apart. So I went home, relaxed / lounged with the boys and watched Where The Red Fern Grows... but they kept coming. Not "painful" painful.. but just noticeable.  I also had some other unpleasant experiences as a result of the contractions ..... not going to share! haha. But ladies: you know what I'm talking about if you've ever had menstrual cramps: and you know what also goes along with cramping down there.... ick.
  I knew I needed to relax.  I put the boys to bed, took a bath, used some aromatherapy, played soothing music.  When they hit 9-12 minutes apart is when I got a little.... nervous. I called my mom and the Labor & Delivery who wanted me to drink some more water and if they hadn't stopped within the hour; the nurse said with my history I needed to come in. SO: I posted THIS status update: 

and .... this sounds funny but it's something I've learned to practice.... is I just asked my body what it needed.
(Yes. Hippie things).  
But think about it: the body is this genius, intricate supercomputer that knows exactly what it needs.  We just need to learn to turn off our mind sometimes (stop overthinking everything!) and just get in tune with it. I've done this before.... been doing this for about a year... and it usually works. 
In order for this method to work you're supposed to "meditate" and then go with whatever pops into your head first. Well... I don't know what they mean necessarily by meditate... I envision people sitting in a dark room with their legs crossed humming "ommm" ... but that's just me! haha. 
So for my version I relax (which involves hopping into the tub). I cleared my head and was like: ok. What do I need right now. and I went with the 3 things popped into my head: 
1.) sleep 
2.) venison snack stick 
3.) Tylenol / Benadryl . 

Honestly: I didn't even question it. 
I was like: ok. You got it chach.
So I got up, unthawed some of the venison sticks in my freezer that Rob had brought, ATE TWO (big deal considering everything all day made me nauseous) and - for whatever reason - I took Tylenol and Benadryl. Don't ask me.  I hate over-the-counter meds but at this point: I was going to try anything. 
Then I got some essential oils (camphor - always relaxes me) and rubbed it on my shoulders and nose. 
I laid back in bed and turned on my positive tunes playlist and put the music next to my belly (you know - so she could hear it and RELAX a little!) 
After 2 songs I felt her shift in my stomach. Just COMPLETELY change positions.  It was the weirdest feeling... but after that I felt so relaxed and I fell sound asleep.... and didn't wake up until 8 hours later.  Ryan must've came in and he was sleeping next to me with his hand on my belly. (he loves his sissy already! It's so, so so precious!)

Called the doc this morning and my appointment has been moved up from Friday; but I'm sure it's going to be the same as it was with the instructions with the boys for the rest of pregnancy:
-- relax
-- drink MORE fluids
-- relax
-- avoid stress
-- relax
.... so I think I can handle that! 
Yes it would be easier with someone here helping... but... such is life :)
Instead of focusing on what I DON'T have... I am very grateful for what I DO have.
It helps put things in perspective!  I know I talked about that in my other blog from the other day.
Despite everything I am actually very much at peace: with this pregnancy and in general.
I just have a very great sense of calm about everything.  It actually surprises me a little!

SO: thank you guys.  I will keep everyone posted!
And in the meantime trying natural methods to help calm down my apparently "cranky" uterus.
Things that worked for me in the past:
-- Red Raspberry Infusion 
and something I found on the Natural Birth Blog AND something two facebook friends shared with me: Cramp Bark Tincture. It's supposed to be very effective. 
Will keep you posted!
I am determined to cook this bun in the oven a little longer.

31 Weeks Pregnant : Baby Number 3

I cannot believe I am 31 weeks pregnant.

Seems like just last week I was finding out on my trip to Orlando in the bathroom of a Wawa gas station! (Don't ask me why. ... gas stations seem to be a popular place for me to pee on a stick! I found out with Christopher in the bathroom of kwik trip).

I do have the live footage of me finding out immediately and my reaction.
If I get enough comments / interest maybe I'll post it! ;) ..... you can DEFINITELY tell it's raw footage and I was. .... a LITTLE SHOCKED to say the least!

Things to do yet:
- find a rock-n-play that I like
- install carseat
- prepare labor bag / diaper bag
... its weird not having a nursery to decorate. But I'm ok with it for now!  Since I nursed for a couple months neither of the boys slept in their rooms for the first couple of months anyways.
I will be SUPER excited to finally get into a place and decorate a room for her,  though!

CRAVINGS: ...none. (still can't stand lettuce or spinach, though. So weird)
COMPLAINTS: a little tired & extra hormonal. ... but that's it.
She moves like crazy, though!
I've never experienced anything like it.

I think she is going to be very scheduled yet mellow baby. Since 20 weeks her sleeping / waking has been extremely regimented. At night she moves around 4 pm, 7 pm, and 10 pm. Then from midnight to 8 a.m. all is quiet! Hence the reason I get 6-8 hrs of sleep at night still (no - I don't wake to pee!)  I would be ok if this continued ;) after the last two this momma could stand a break!

(Fun fact: I actually got kicked out of the doctor with Ryan and they told me there was nothing they could do: that I would just have to wait it out because medically he was fine! It was just the worst case of colic they'd ever seen. Yeah.... I don't talk about that period much. It was INTENSE!)

Hope Y'ALL are enjoying the beginning of fall ;)
(I can say that now since I officially lived in the south for 4 years)

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