Campfire & The Sleepwalker

I have to start off this post by saying how incredibly grateful I am. Even right now.
Because as you'll read later on...
I had a really, REALLY stupid moment today and it's a miracle I even was able to salvage all of my photos and now be able to share them here with you.

By the way: as I currently type this I am getting the royal treatment. Christopher is brushing my hair and making me "look like a beautiful princess" Ok. That also involves using some eyeshadow which he has chosen the lovely colors of green and purple and is putting all over my face / arms.... so perhaps it looks more like I fell down a flight of stairs!  But that's ok :)  It's dark, I'm not going anywhere, it's relaxing and I SO needed this little special treatment tonight.
Such sweet boys I have. Seriously.
FACT: I would pay somebody equally as much to brush and / or play with my hair as I would for a massage. Does anyone else love it that much?!

So yesterday (Saturday) my mom came over and I made my week 35 vlog / blog.
Then I got some stuff done that needed to be done in the house.
And after the boys got up from their naps it was time to plan out our schedule for the week and have a little outside time enjoying the unseasonably gorgeous weather here while enjoying the beautiful display of fall colors.  I was homesick for Florida yesterday something awful.... I mean nearly physically sick I was missing it so much!  Since I can't exactly just hop in my car and roadtrip down to the ocean I found the next best thing to a Florida beach: a Wisconsin lake!

Here's a little insight: I know someday I'll be moving back to Florida. I know for certain that I am here in Wisconsin for a reason, though, and I'm at peace with being here right now. (Ironic.... I spent my greater childhood just waiting to get the heck out of here and I've come full-circle! Perhaps I should stick it out for once and prosper where I'm planted so I can advance to Stage 2 finally!) The fellowship I've found and the new friends that have been brought into my life, Christopher's school, the doctor we have now.... I couldn't ask for more. But eventually (this is on my dream board!) I want to split my time between Wisconsin and Florida.... with traveling around to other places in between that, of course!


planning the week!

Anyways:
so as you guys know I work from home.
And part of this whole "single mom"  ... ugh. I hate that phrase. Because I'm not exactly "single". Re-term it... "SOLO PARENTING" experience I am having right now has taught me how to be more organized. Now I find myself absolutely loving my calendar on my phone and my daily agenda and all of the whiteboard lists I have around the house.  Each week I get to take an hour of time out and go plan our week.  Otherwise there's NO WAY I'd be able to accomplish work, house, meal planning, blogging, homeschooling, doctor appointments, outings, YMCA.... ummmm.... no. I would be a hot mess!  When I don't have a vision or a plan for my time: it flies out the window!
So I can't complain with the view I had yesterday as I planned our week.

I plopped my butt down onto a lovely patch of soft grass atop a small hill and watched the boys slide down it on their butts and then skip rocks and sticks into the water.
Boats were gliding across the water: pulling the remaining die-hard brave watersport souls across the lake on tubes and skis... blaring tunes.  One in particular made me laugh: 2 guys on tubes being flung around the water to THIS tune!
"Yeah baby she's got it.... I'm your venus.... I'm your FIRE!"

So that was pretty hilarious.  The boys wanted to call their dad.... because they missed him.
When he was in town we all drove out to the lake one night and he spent some time with them skipping sticks and rocks into the water and it reminded them of that evening.
They miss him,

I was peaceful sitting there listening to the waves crash against shore and hearing the boys laugh and play.
Lia was rolling around and kicking me with her little elbows and knees and it made me smile knowing to soak it all up since I won't be feeling any of that in a couple of months!
Then we decided to drive around the lake a little and pick up sticks because the boys really wanted to have a campfire.
(PS - Ryan got FULL of red dirt ... you know... the kind that stains everything? So we had to strip him down and put him in the car and he ended up wearing one of his shirts like a tunic before getting him home to plop him straight into the tub before heading to the grocery store for a late-night s'more run!)

They love the local store here because they have the mini-carts and they get to push them for me.
It's so weird. I remember being little and getting to push the mini carts and feeling oh-so-grown-up!
Then we got back home and we crumpled up some old magazines for fire starters and loaded them into the outdoor chimenea; putting the sticks we'd gathered on top. It only took lighting the paper and ...
VOILA!
Fire!

It was a pretty proud moment. We sat out in lawn chairs around the fire, roasted marshmallows, made s'mores, looked at the stars, then watched videos on my phone about how stars are made (Christopher is very interested in it!) Then Ryan fell sound asleep in the chair and Christopher and I sat out in chairs for 30 minutes watching the coals die down.
Reminded me of living out in Missouri when we would sit around the campfire in the yard....
Made me realize you don't have to be in the middle of nowhere to enjoy the little things like that.
You can be in the middle of the city and it'll still be peace and quiet.

then we went into the house and as I was taking my contacts out in the bathroom Ryan stumbled in mumbling incoherently. Then I watched as he (with both eyes closed) lifted each leg over the side of the tub before sitting cross-legged in there. He was sleepwalking!  I took a video. It was adorable. I took a short video clip of it.

Anyways: about the phone.
So I had a bad moment. I let myself get stressed out an offended and hurt by some stupid words that somebody said.
So what did I do?
.... well. Let's say the phone went sailing.
But you won't even believe what happened afterwards.
It taught me a huge lesson!
I'll do a different blog on that....

Thanks for reading

Christopher's First Day of School + 33 Weeks Baby #3

Time is certainly flying by!
Had my first official "craving: crepes.  I had them 2 days in a row!
Friday was Christopher's first day at school  :)  
Well.... first day of actually GOING to school anyways!
We do school a little UN-traditionally (sort've like everything else in our life!)
We started homeschooling in summertime but now there is this really great program in the area
where he is able to technically be enrolled in the public school system and then he attends school 1x / week with other kids who are enrolled in the same program.  On school days they cover electives and do things like: play, music, gym class, lunch, recess, art, library time.  It's pretty awesome!
I know this isn't the explanatory post as to why I decided to do it this way... so I'll give you a recap:
1.) Christopher STILL takes naps during the day and NEEDS to rest.  I think school isn't designed around the needs of the child or the family.... but involves convenience and it goes against our natural biological clocks!
2.)  School simply isn't for everyone. Each child learns differently. Christopher is one of those kids.  He's very social and outgoing; a truly unique personality that I know would be squashed out in traditional school.
Anyways.  That and the fact that we like to travel and have freedom.... and going to school everyday.... getting up at 7 and getting home at 4.... that just didn't feel very free.

So onto his first day of school: I was / am 33 weeks 
I woke up early to bake him some zucchini bread.
He woke up at 6:22 A.M.!!!!  Can you tell that somebody was a little excited?! 
Then Ryan woke up, too and was giving Christopher "fashion advice" for his first day of school and how to look "cool" so other kids would play with him (I was sitting in the other room just laughing as I was listening to them!)
He eventually settled on a button down shirt and a red sweatshirt over the top and some jeans.  He also wore his neon green + blue tennis shoes.
In his backpack he wanted to take his pencil box and crayons.  And I believe Ryan also shoved a carrot in there for his snack time ;)
Then we went outside to scramble out some "first day of school pictures"! and piled into the car.
He was excited to make friends and see his teacher.
We walked in and he introduced himself to everyone he met in the hallway: "Hi!  My name is Christopher and I'm five. What's your name?"  and the one woman told him and then he stuck out his hand to shake hers and said, "It's nice to meet you!"  and then she walked him to the classroom.
It was pretty adorable!

This kid is going to be the one that's like. "Yeah whatever mom. See ya later!" When / If he goes to college someday. He's TOTALLY like me!  He just walks into the room.  Didn't even say goodbye just started talking to the teacher and the kids and then playing with a vacuum they had in the toy area.
Ryan was NOT impressed to leave brother behind. 
I think he thought we were just going to take him and then we would all stay for a little bit and then go home. So if you notice his face in the picture below: he was NOT impressed with how things ACTUALLY went down. (i.e. we left Christopher there)
His words were, "I am MAD.  I miss my brudder AWREADY!"
and he insisted that he was NOT going to have fun at the adventure center (the place he goes to in the YMCA while I swim) and he was just going to sit in the corner and not talk to anyone!

Ryan and I had a very .... quiet.... relaxed afternoon.  Odd doesn't even begin to describe it!
I made dinner in advance so that day I could just come home and lounge with the boys because I figured Christopher would be pretty tuckered out. 

We went back to pick him up and Ryan let go of my hand and took off at a full run: pushing past everyone to get into the room.  I called after him, "Ryan - come here!"  and he responded with, "I need to go get my brudder!!!!!"  
I was able to follow shortly behind and I found Ryan in the classroom standing proudly next to Christopher with this HUGE grin on his face.  When I walked up to them Ryan says to me, "I found brudder. I'm happy now!"  -----> *heart melt*  awww!!!

His teacher and a couple other administrators / program directors all said he was VERY helpful and did well on his first day. He liked music class very much and was one of the loudest singers.  For his "theme week" (each kiddo gets to pick a theme for one week out of the school year) Christopher chose "trains".   
 One of the other things I heard (which I hear alot) was, "Wow. He's not shy AT ALL, is he?" ..... nope. He sure isn't!  9 months old and he would put his arms up in the air in the "pick-me-up" baby sign language: only he would do it do complete strangers in the store!  There were plenty of times where I would just turn around and he would be following somebody else or another family around the store.  The doctor's assessment of, "Don't worry.  This will pass.  He'll get stranger anxiety just like every other kid" did NOT come to pass. Ever.








Anyways: needless to say his first day was a big success. 
However, I know there's NO WAY he could do it everyday! Oh my goodness!  
He was tired out.  We called everyone and he wanted ME to tell them about his first day instead because he was tired and he "had a sickness: allergies".  
He was VERY excited that his dad called to ask him about his first day.  
The day before he had been pretty upset that Rob wasn't going to be there to see him go to school.  That was a little prick to the heart. 
So Friday evening was spent just lounging around the house :) 
Hope you enjoy the pictures below!
ps - when Ryan and I came back to the house there was a package sitting on the doorstep and inside was the adorable rattle and onesie that you see pictured below! AW! 

Christopher: VERY Excited!
"My first day of school!!!"

Ryan: NOT so excited
"I am MAD.  I miss my brudder awready!"

The ADORABLE rattle and octopus onesie that was waiting on the doorstep!

Days Like Today ....

Days like today have me feeling angry and sad and frustrated all at the same time.
Yes - I said it.  I'm not 100% all of the time... although I am very grateful for the strength I've had throughout this entire thing and I seriously attribute that to all of the prayers and support my family has been receiving.
People have literally come up to me and said:
 "How are you fine? I don't understand how you're o.k. I wouldn't be ok."

... well. It's simple: because I have to be.
I have to function.
I have to still be a mom.
I have to take care of myself.
Things don't stop just because I hit a speedbump on the road of life.

 Another thing I've discovered that's really helped is that JOY is a choice. GRATITUDE is a choice. Sure: happiness can be outwardly dependent on your circumstances; but joy?
 Joy is this.... THING ... that comes from within.
 It's an inner light that no matter what goes on around you: it can't be dimmed.
 And you can choose joy every single day.

 Even though the world may be crumbling you can choose to focus on what ISN'T crumbling and what you're grateful for. That doesn't mean that you won't feel sadness... I know it seems contradictory. You can feel sadness but still have joy on the inside. I don't know how to explain it. Which is how even though I know that on Days Like Today I may feel sad; it's only temporary.

 Because overall I am SO grateful for my kids, my baby, my health, my home, my job, my friends, and everything else in my life. I honestly feel so humbled and blessed by the opportunity (yes - I am calling this "season of life" an opportunity!) because it's helped me grow so much as a person in ways that I know I wouldn't have been able to any other way. Something I won't do, though, is try to be tougher than I am. I'm not going to hide the fact that yes: I do have days like today.

Days where all I want to do is snuggle up in bed in a pair of big, manly arms and just close my eyes and fall asleep.
Days where I really could use a kiss on the forehead.
Days where it would be SO nice to have somebody here to take over so that I could get a break, take a nap, and just breathe for a little bit.



 Especially on days like today when I'm feeling... eh.. from being 31 weeks pregnant and feeling under-the-weather.
I'm feeling hormonal and a little apprehensive.
I am VERY grateful, though, that this has been such a breeze of a pregnancy. Like I said before in my vlogs : I didn't even feel pregnant until recently!
My back doesn't hurt. I sleep for 6-8 hour stretches at night. My energy and moods have been stable.

But in the past week my allergies have been so bad that my eyes started to gel shut every time I go outdoors and I feel like an absolute failure having to succumb to taking over-the-counter medication to help relieve symptoms.  I know it sounds stupid and some people say, "Yeah? So what!" But... ugh!  I HATE it so much that I have to take this stuff! I honestly tried everything I could think to help naturally and everything that usually works (local honey, no dairy / wheat / food allergens homeopathic nasal spray).... wouldn't touch it. I sneezed 47 times in a row. I sneezed my contact out! 

 Thankfully so far the medication seems to be helping (hopefully by tomorrow I can hear out of my ear!)
The only downside is that it makes me very, VERY drowsy: not so bad when you have a significant other who can come home and take over for you so you can get some rest.
But I obviously don't right now.
 It forces you to get really ... creative... when you're single parenting.

 So today I took the boys to the park and had them run run run to burn off energy and then prayed and prayed and PRAYED that they would actually sleep (Thank you God; they did!) Divide and conquer, my friends. Divide - And - Conquer. Write that down. It's how you win in the single parenting world. I put Christopher in their room and stuffed Ryan in my bed and ZONKED OUT.

 SIDENOTE: never pass out next to a 3-year-old who has a sticker album. He will decorate your face and you won't notice until hours later when you just happen to glance up at your reflection and see little dino eggs and t-rexes adorning your forehead and cheeks.

I woke up feeling a little better. Just ... out of it. 
I'm sure that's contributed to my dip in the happy mood levels!
Not only that but the local pool here is closed (has been for 5 days and won't reopen for another 5 days. UGH!) and that's pretty much the only exercise I can comfortably get in.  

I've also been getting hit a little harder emotionally.  I'm sure part of it is hormones and part of it is because I know that the next time we see Rob will be when our little girl is making her entrance. As excited as that thought makes me to have her here... it also leaves me feeling apprehensive. When I was pregnant with Christopher I had a significant other who was "there"; but... NOT there. At all. He was completely unsupportive. For those of you who read THAT story of mine when it was up.... you know what I'm talking about.

He wanted me to have an abortion.  Wanted me to give Christopher up for adoption (even 3 weeks AFTER I had already had him.)  Never came to an appointment. Nothing. 
That part of my life was what I thought - at the time - to be the most difficult thing in my life. 
Going through pregnancy alone and then delivery and then parenting alone: was something I never envisioned to have happen in my life.  Much less twice by two different people. But here I am. 

For whatever reason these are the cards I have been dealt.
I am grateful for that experience because I know that I DO have the strength to do this. 
It's just not something I really WANT to do. 
More than anything in the world I would want our family to be together for that. 
But that's not my call.

And on days like today; those emotions catch up with me. I've learned to process them, feel them, then let them go. 

The crazy thing that makes me feel hopeful and excited about days like today?
.... I know that as bad as these days are: that just means that my good days are going to be EVEN better.  

Because I know that when God restores He doesn't do it to former glory.  He replaces it with something EVEN BETTER. That's one of His promises.
You don't believe in God? 
Ok. Scientifically for every action there's an equal and opposite reaction, correct? 
Yes. You can't argue with that.  Those are facts.
So for every bad day that means there's an equal and opposite GOOD day coming. 
So bring it on. Give me the worst of the worst because that just means that someday I'll have the best of the best   : ) 

---> Always a silver lining. 

Thank you so much for reading and letting me share my REAL, honest, journey with you.
Thank you for your support and feedback.
Thank you for keeping my family in your thoughts and prayers.