Campfire & The Sleepwalker

I have to start off this post by saying how incredibly grateful I am. Even right now.
Because as you'll read later on...
I had a really, REALLY stupid moment today and it's a miracle I even was able to salvage all of my photos and now be able to share them here with you.

By the way: as I currently type this I am getting the royal treatment. Christopher is brushing my hair and making me "look like a beautiful princess" Ok. That also involves using some eyeshadow which he has chosen the lovely colors of green and purple and is putting all over my face / arms.... so perhaps it looks more like I fell down a flight of stairs!  But that's ok :)  It's dark, I'm not going anywhere, it's relaxing and I SO needed this little special treatment tonight.
Such sweet boys I have. Seriously.
FACT: I would pay somebody equally as much to brush and / or play with my hair as I would for a massage. Does anyone else love it that much?!

So yesterday (Saturday) my mom came over and I made my week 35 vlog / blog.
Then I got some stuff done that needed to be done in the house.
And after the boys got up from their naps it was time to plan out our schedule for the week and have a little outside time enjoying the unseasonably gorgeous weather here while enjoying the beautiful display of fall colors.  I was homesick for Florida yesterday something awful.... I mean nearly physically sick I was missing it so much!  Since I can't exactly just hop in my car and roadtrip down to the ocean I found the next best thing to a Florida beach: a Wisconsin lake!

Here's a little insight: I know someday I'll be moving back to Florida. I know for certain that I am here in Wisconsin for a reason, though, and I'm at peace with being here right now. (Ironic.... I spent my greater childhood just waiting to get the heck out of here and I've come full-circle! Perhaps I should stick it out for once and prosper where I'm planted so I can advance to Stage 2 finally!) The fellowship I've found and the new friends that have been brought into my life, Christopher's school, the doctor we have now.... I couldn't ask for more. But eventually (this is on my dream board!) I want to split my time between Wisconsin and Florida.... with traveling around to other places in between that, of course!


planning the week!

Anyways:
so as you guys know I work from home.
And part of this whole "single mom"  ... ugh. I hate that phrase. Because I'm not exactly "single". Re-term it... "SOLO PARENTING" experience I am having right now has taught me how to be more organized. Now I find myself absolutely loving my calendar on my phone and my daily agenda and all of the whiteboard lists I have around the house.  Each week I get to take an hour of time out and go plan our week.  Otherwise there's NO WAY I'd be able to accomplish work, house, meal planning, blogging, homeschooling, doctor appointments, outings, YMCA.... ummmm.... no. I would be a hot mess!  When I don't have a vision or a plan for my time: it flies out the window!
So I can't complain with the view I had yesterday as I planned our week.

I plopped my butt down onto a lovely patch of soft grass atop a small hill and watched the boys slide down it on their butts and then skip rocks and sticks into the water.
Boats were gliding across the water: pulling the remaining die-hard brave watersport souls across the lake on tubes and skis... blaring tunes.  One in particular made me laugh: 2 guys on tubes being flung around the water to THIS tune!
"Yeah baby she's got it.... I'm your venus.... I'm your FIRE!"

So that was pretty hilarious.  The boys wanted to call their dad.... because they missed him.
When he was in town we all drove out to the lake one night and he spent some time with them skipping sticks and rocks into the water and it reminded them of that evening.
They miss him,

I was peaceful sitting there listening to the waves crash against shore and hearing the boys laugh and play.
Lia was rolling around and kicking me with her little elbows and knees and it made me smile knowing to soak it all up since I won't be feeling any of that in a couple of months!
Then we decided to drive around the lake a little and pick up sticks because the boys really wanted to have a campfire.
(PS - Ryan got FULL of red dirt ... you know... the kind that stains everything? So we had to strip him down and put him in the car and he ended up wearing one of his shirts like a tunic before getting him home to plop him straight into the tub before heading to the grocery store for a late-night s'more run!)

They love the local store here because they have the mini-carts and they get to push them for me.
It's so weird. I remember being little and getting to push the mini carts and feeling oh-so-grown-up!
Then we got back home and we crumpled up some old magazines for fire starters and loaded them into the outdoor chimenea; putting the sticks we'd gathered on top. It only took lighting the paper and ...
VOILA!
Fire!

It was a pretty proud moment. We sat out in lawn chairs around the fire, roasted marshmallows, made s'mores, looked at the stars, then watched videos on my phone about how stars are made (Christopher is very interested in it!) Then Ryan fell sound asleep in the chair and Christopher and I sat out in chairs for 30 minutes watching the coals die down.
Reminded me of living out in Missouri when we would sit around the campfire in the yard....
Made me realize you don't have to be in the middle of nowhere to enjoy the little things like that.
You can be in the middle of the city and it'll still be peace and quiet.

then we went into the house and as I was taking my contacts out in the bathroom Ryan stumbled in mumbling incoherently. Then I watched as he (with both eyes closed) lifted each leg over the side of the tub before sitting cross-legged in there. He was sleepwalking!  I took a video. It was adorable. I took a short video clip of it.

Anyways: about the phone.
So I had a bad moment. I let myself get stressed out an offended and hurt by some stupid words that somebody said.
So what did I do?
.... well. Let's say the phone went sailing.
But you won't even believe what happened afterwards.
It taught me a huge lesson!
I'll do a different blog on that....

Thanks for reading

34 Weeks Pregnant

34 Weeks Pregnant:
Weight gain: 13 - 17 lbs (depending on the day. I was fluctuating with water weight!)
----> starting to feel antsy. Starting to feel uncomfortable. My pelvis hurts!  She feels lower and is getting bigger.
----> my visions of swimming laps like a champ up until 40 weeks pregnant were bunked.  I doggy-paddle / side swim down to one end and get winded easily.  My belly feels so weird in the water! When I'm in it I can easily make out every part of her adorable little body. I can distinctly feel knees (which she loves to jab out) whenever I swim on my stomach.

34 Weeks pregnant was definitely an interesting week.
RECAP: Thursday was the first day going to a get-together for Moms in town and I am SO glad I went. They had delicious, amazing food.... great company.... everything was decorated straight off of a Pinterest board, and there was free childare for the kiddos for the 2 hours we were there!  I met some incredible ladies and had a blast while my kids got to get some socialization, too.
You know, so they don't end up turning into socially awkward rejects because we're doing "untraditional schooling" and all WATCH VIDEO HERE
I left the meeting feeling completely refreshed.
Lia was kicking me during the meeting. I got to get dressed up and wear my grey lace dress, leggings, and new brown boots.
I enjoyed some yummy spinach salad with raspberry vinaigrette dressing.
I got to laugh with some like-minded ladies and share a little of our lives (ups and downs) and laughs.
I'm so glad I had that little mental pick-me-up because immediately afterwards I got a phone call I had NOT been wanting to get that had started coming the night before.
I had already known it was coming.
It had to happen.
Doesn't make it any easier.
I know that sounds so vague: but.... I just can't share everything here and now.
Just know that someday when I finish my book (when this chapter / story has an ending!) : you'll remember this blog post and you'll get to know the "behind the scenes" of everything. 
Lets suffice it to say that the bigger the mess: the bigger the opportunity for a really, REALLY great turnaround, right?
Anyways. I am glad that I had gotten refreshed before I got the phone call I did. It was hard.
At one hand I felt like my heart was shattering but on the other hand: (as crazy as this sounds) it makes me ..... a little....excited when things are just so unbelievably, ridiculously, unimaginably in such a state of chaos.
why?
Well.  Because I know God's promises. Promises for hope and a future. Promises that love never fails.  Promises to prosper us.  Promises that there will be seasons in our life; and if we are diligent we will reap a proper harvest.
Even if I didn't believe in God. It's scientifically proven: for every action there's an equal and opposite RE-action, correct? Yes. You can't dispute that because those are scientifically proven facts.
So on that theory: if something in life is awfully, AWFULLY bad.... then can't you also take hope in the fact that things (when they take a turn) will be equally and oppositely .... AMAZING...RIGHT? That gives me a little bit of sunshine, too.

So. Things may not be going in a way that I can figure out how or why.... but I'm still ok.
I still feel at peace.
And I'm sure being sick (Christopher picked up a nasty bug at school), getting stressed, and then having that darn shot on Wednesday that my body didn't like did NOT help as I ended up in the ER early Friday morning with terrible, terrible chest pains.
Ha. Maybe it was just a broken heart. Literally.
*knee slapper*
Ok. That's not very funny because that actually might've had something to do with it (although I know it wasn't the whole problem).
Anyways. Things turned out to be fine. They weren't exactly sure what was causing it. 

The next few days have just spent doing a lot of taking time out for myself and taking it very easy. 
Focusing a lot on relaxing and enjoying my boys. 
I know little Lia Bee is going to be here very soon and my life is going to get very, very different.

I do, though. Wish more than anything right now I had my whole family together.
I miss my husband something terrible.
And it seems the bigger my belly gets.... the more I miss him.
I've woken up a few times now and found that I was clutching his flag patch from his uniform or his dog tags or a picture of us. And I don't even know how I got them other than I must've woken up, sleepwalked, and got them sometime during the night.
Every time  I hear the neighbor pull in on his motorcycle or a car pulling into the drive - no matter what time it is - I wake straight up out of my sleep and pull the curtains back to see if it's Rob. 
I just keep thinking he's going to pull into the driveway anytime now and everything will be different.
Maybe that sounds crazy.
I don't really care. 
I just.... more than anything I want my family.
My WHOLE family.
Until then. I'm just over here doing my thing and holding down the fort. 
Waiting (sometimes) patiently. As patiently as I can anyways.
Because here's what I believe:

Love bears all things.
Love believes all things.
Love hopes all things.
Love never fails. 

Thanks for reading
Lots of love. 

Christopher's First Day of School + 33 Weeks Baby #3

Time is certainly flying by!
Had my first official "craving: crepes.  I had them 2 days in a row!
Friday was Christopher's first day at school  :)  
Well.... first day of actually GOING to school anyways!
We do school a little UN-traditionally (sort've like everything else in our life!)
We started homeschooling in summertime but now there is this really great program in the area
where he is able to technically be enrolled in the public school system and then he attends school 1x / week with other kids who are enrolled in the same program.  On school days they cover electives and do things like: play, music, gym class, lunch, recess, art, library time.  It's pretty awesome!
I know this isn't the explanatory post as to why I decided to do it this way... so I'll give you a recap:
1.) Christopher STILL takes naps during the day and NEEDS to rest.  I think school isn't designed around the needs of the child or the family.... but involves convenience and it goes against our natural biological clocks!
2.)  School simply isn't for everyone. Each child learns differently. Christopher is one of those kids.  He's very social and outgoing; a truly unique personality that I know would be squashed out in traditional school.
Anyways.  That and the fact that we like to travel and have freedom.... and going to school everyday.... getting up at 7 and getting home at 4.... that just didn't feel very free.

So onto his first day of school: I was / am 33 weeks 
I woke up early to bake him some zucchini bread.
He woke up at 6:22 A.M.!!!!  Can you tell that somebody was a little excited?! 
Then Ryan woke up, too and was giving Christopher "fashion advice" for his first day of school and how to look "cool" so other kids would play with him (I was sitting in the other room just laughing as I was listening to them!)
He eventually settled on a button down shirt and a red sweatshirt over the top and some jeans.  He also wore his neon green + blue tennis shoes.
In his backpack he wanted to take his pencil box and crayons.  And I believe Ryan also shoved a carrot in there for his snack time ;)
Then we went outside to scramble out some "first day of school pictures"! and piled into the car.
He was excited to make friends and see his teacher.
We walked in and he introduced himself to everyone he met in the hallway: "Hi!  My name is Christopher and I'm five. What's your name?"  and the one woman told him and then he stuck out his hand to shake hers and said, "It's nice to meet you!"  and then she walked him to the classroom.
It was pretty adorable!

This kid is going to be the one that's like. "Yeah whatever mom. See ya later!" When / If he goes to college someday. He's TOTALLY like me!  He just walks into the room.  Didn't even say goodbye just started talking to the teacher and the kids and then playing with a vacuum they had in the toy area.
Ryan was NOT impressed to leave brother behind. 
I think he thought we were just going to take him and then we would all stay for a little bit and then go home. So if you notice his face in the picture below: he was NOT impressed with how things ACTUALLY went down. (i.e. we left Christopher there)
His words were, "I am MAD.  I miss my brudder AWREADY!"
and he insisted that he was NOT going to have fun at the adventure center (the place he goes to in the YMCA while I swim) and he was just going to sit in the corner and not talk to anyone!

Ryan and I had a very .... quiet.... relaxed afternoon.  Odd doesn't even begin to describe it!
I made dinner in advance so that day I could just come home and lounge with the boys because I figured Christopher would be pretty tuckered out. 

We went back to pick him up and Ryan let go of my hand and took off at a full run: pushing past everyone to get into the room.  I called after him, "Ryan - come here!"  and he responded with, "I need to go get my brudder!!!!!"  
I was able to follow shortly behind and I found Ryan in the classroom standing proudly next to Christopher with this HUGE grin on his face.  When I walked up to them Ryan says to me, "I found brudder. I'm happy now!"  -----> *heart melt*  awww!!!

His teacher and a couple other administrators / program directors all said he was VERY helpful and did well on his first day. He liked music class very much and was one of the loudest singers.  For his "theme week" (each kiddo gets to pick a theme for one week out of the school year) Christopher chose "trains".   
 One of the other things I heard (which I hear alot) was, "Wow. He's not shy AT ALL, is he?" ..... nope. He sure isn't!  9 months old and he would put his arms up in the air in the "pick-me-up" baby sign language: only he would do it do complete strangers in the store!  There were plenty of times where I would just turn around and he would be following somebody else or another family around the store.  The doctor's assessment of, "Don't worry.  This will pass.  He'll get stranger anxiety just like every other kid" did NOT come to pass. Ever.








Anyways: needless to say his first day was a big success. 
However, I know there's NO WAY he could do it everyday! Oh my goodness!  
He was tired out.  We called everyone and he wanted ME to tell them about his first day instead because he was tired and he "had a sickness: allergies".  
He was VERY excited that his dad called to ask him about his first day.  
The day before he had been pretty upset that Rob wasn't going to be there to see him go to school.  That was a little prick to the heart. 
So Friday evening was spent just lounging around the house :) 
Hope you enjoy the pictures below!
ps - when Ryan and I came back to the house there was a package sitting on the doorstep and inside was the adorable rattle and onesie that you see pictured below! AW! 

Christopher: VERY Excited!
"My first day of school!!!"

Ryan: NOT so excited
"I am MAD.  I miss my brudder awready!"

The ADORABLE rattle and octopus onesie that was waiting on the doorstep!

Rob's Second Visit + Family Cookout and Home Footage

So it's been pretty frustrating that my internet  has been having problems and only certain sites are affected. Guess which ones?

1.)  My blog

2.)  The site I use to make / edit my videos

3.)  The website I want to order my new pair of fall boots from 

.... hmmm.... :)

So here's to some super fast typing to get this blog out before the site becomes inacessible again! (I logged in today to find that the 3 blogs I posted in the past couple of weeks never saved / got published! BUMMER! But I'll catch you up....)

Also: I was watering the wildflowers that started to pop up in my front garden and what do you think I noticed on the trees in the front yard? The leaves are starting to turn!  Where did summer go? 

Well here's where it went:

May 25th & 26th: I posted my first blogs then took the boys for a spontaneous trip up north and spent the next 10 days sort of just keeping to myself and really focusing on my own healing and what it meant for me to be healthier.

June 2 : My birthday! Grandparents came up to visit. Went to the spa.Relaxed

June 10: Fathers Day weekend.... Rob came to town and visited the boys and we also found out the gender of our little PRINCESS 

June 17: Illinois and back to drop the boys off with my mom

June 21: Wedding weekend extravaganza in Milwaukee

June 25: Back to Illinois for nearly a week to hang out with my mom and pick up the boys

July 3: Up north for the weekend of the 4th to visit a friend 

Then the month of July was really spent getting into the groove of solo-parenting and consisted of re-arranging the ENTIRE house to make room for baby and all of her accessoires! (Like I said before: our house is rather .... "cozy" and fitting her in here is going to be like Tetris!)

July 31: Family from TX comes to visit!  Watch the video below to see how that went :) 

Our company (My sister-in-law, Kendra, her hubby, and my niece!) left on Monday and on Tuesday Rob called to tell the boys he wouldn't be able to make it up. I was bummed. It was obvious he was stressed. And the boys were sad. So I decided that instead of moping around that weekend that I would take the boys somewhere instead to get us out of the house.  Well.... that changed after we got a certain phone call on Wednesday morning. 

By the way: there's not enough room in the blog to explain the dynamics and backstory to everything: just know that everything that's been goind down is pretty cool and a pretty awesome story :)  Can't wait to one day share it in my book so you all can know exactly how amazing everything works out when you just let go and let God!  Ok.... so.... Wednesday morning.

Rob called to talk to the boys and Ryan told him how much they missed him and how sad they were that he wasn't able to come up. I had to walk into the other room.  Then I thought Ryan had hung up on him and probably about 15 or 20 minutes later he called or I called him back and I was shocked when he actually wanted to talk with me and not the boys (despite my wants: I had stopped calling him to give him some space.... SO hard to do!) He asked what we were doing for the weekend and if I was going to go to the family party.... which I said "no" to since he wasn't going to be there. A couple weeks prior he had called saying he wanted to come up but had no place to stay! I had texted back, "Well I know of 3 people who would LOVE to have you" ...... thinking to myself *hint hint ...... ; ) 

But I had left it at that.  I didn't want to push him or make him feel uncomfortable.  The last time we had seen each other / talked was in June over Father's Day weekend (click here to watch the video) and as a whole it was a good weekend but it was still just.... weird. You know?  He felt weird / slightly awkward around me. Confusing feelings. How could things not be confusing? I mean... yeah. 

So Wednesday when we were talking on the phone all of the sudden he just blurted out, "Well you never invited me to stay there!" and - of course not! I didn't want him to be uncomfortable!  But he asked if he could stay with us so OF COURSE I said yes!  I knew the boys would be so overjoyed to have him at the house.... it's all they ever talk about!  

"Mommy can we keep Daddy here? He can stay in our room and won't have to go back to Missouri"

"When is Daddy going to come stay with us?"

"I think Daddy should come live with us forever. I miss him" 

.... I hear these things on a daily basis. 

And to be honest... as much as the boys were excited... I was pretty excited, too. 

That evening we came back from the YMCA to see a little green car in the driveway and .... well you can watch the video and see how the weekend went! 

It was by far the best weekend we had all summer.

Ryan wasn't too thrilled about Daddy sleeping in his bed with him.... he HATES sharing his bed and he said that daddy took the blankets and farted in his bed.  Oh my gosh. I couldn't stop laughing watching his little mad face when he said that!  And: let's be honest. I'm nearly 7 months pregnant, I have a pillow nest on my bed, and I take up the WHOOOOOLE bed.  So there's really no sharing going on there ;) 

All I know is that we miss him like crazy. And having him here this past weekend was like having a huge hole in your heart just filled in. 

I'm learning to not expect so much and just take everything in stride and enjoy the little things.

I'm learning that I don't have to get upset over some stuff because... IT'S NOT WORTH IT! 

I also learned that sometimes just breathing in, breathing out, going to bed and waking up to a new day is a genius plan.... otherwise I think I might be a little feisty at night?  Or more prone to not saying things gently? Maybe.  I think everything goes much better when you can chat it over with hindsight with a cup of coffee in your hand and fresh morning light. It doesn't sound so.... ACCUSATORY. 

No - everything isn't rainbow blossoms and unicorns 100% of the time (and not 100% of the weekend!) But I have to be honest when I say that this was BY FAR the best time we've ever spent together as a family.  He's so.... peaceful now. And accepting. And..... man.  I could just cry sitting here as I type this. Honestly. Ok. Let's be honest maybe I am crying a little because it just makes my heart so happy.  I knew leaving was the hardest thing I'd ever do and I knew he was stressed with us there and I KNEW we had to leave so some of his own personal healing could happen and it just is so overwhelming to see some of it happening.

For instance when we were in the car driving to the lake house; a truck pulled out and darn near side swiped us because the guy wasn't paying attention!  I freaked out. The old Rob would've been off in a cussing tailspin fit of anger.  But he just took it. Didn't say anything. Sped up a little to get past. But that was it. We got to the stop sign. Rob turned left.  And I just sat there staring at him. And I kept staring.... just waiting for it.... thinking maybe he was just bottling it up to unload a little further away. So I waited.  We got to the stop lights. Still nothing. Finally about 45 seconds later he looked at me and was like, "What are you staring at me for? Quit it!" 

And I couldn't believe it. He DIDN'T EVEN FREAK OUT! I mean. That was huge. 

And I caught him over the weekend when he would go up behind the boys and just give them a kiss on the head or on the cheek and say, "I love you" 

It was just the most wonderful thing. And when we were getting ready to leave to go to the family party on Saturday morning I went to the pool.  I didn't realize we were supposed to be out there at 9! (OOPS!  I didn't even leave the pool until 9!) But this time instead of him freaking out and yelling and getting upset he just sat in the chair and read his kindle. I was so impressed. I just remember going over to him and patting him on the head and fighting back tears. 

I hope he knows and can see just how much a couple months of less stress have made a huge difference!

Sunday night we got to go visit my Grandparents and my Grandma got to give him a huge hug.  It was precious. This whole time he thought everybody hated him. and that couldn't be further from the truth.

Sitting there in Grams' living room she asked what was up with Christopher who normally is a chatty Kathy and bouncing all over the place but in contrast this evening was sitting quietly on the floor next to the chair and had BARELY spoken 20 words.

"Rob's leaving tomorrow" I mouthed.

and she got it. 

He took it particularly hard. He was pretty quiet the rest of the night.  Then when we left my Grandma's Rob decided to take one last stop so the boys could see my dad and he could say "bye".  Good timing because my brother and his girlfriend came to the house, too!  So he got to see everyone. (My brother and Rob are like peas in a pod.... they have always gotten along very well because of similar temperaments and interests!) That night on the way back to the house Rob decided that the perfect thing to go with the brownies I had made would be.....ICE CREAM!

So I was the cliche pregnant chick walking into the grocery store at 9 p.m. to get ice cream while he rented a movie for the boys from the Redbox.

It was a nice night. Just.... relaxing. 

Monday morning was so hard.

I had been fine the night before (in fact I was proud of myself at how emotionally stable I was doing!  Thinking "hey - I'm awesome! I'm handling this like a champ!")

I was fine all morning: doing well and feeling SO happy about the visit; but, all of a sudden I just got overwhelmed and started sobbing.  I am sure my pouty lip was sticking out immensely!

 I didn't want the weekend to end.

I didn't want to see him leave.

I didn't want the boys to be sad.

I didn't want to go back to..... whatever we'd had before the weekend.

I wanted to keep talking and laughing and having our family.

I honestly just wanted to continue on with the weekend....FOREVER!  Because it was.... It was just.... really good. Really, really good. To see how much different we are than we were a year ago and how much we've grown and how different he is and how much healing he's done. I couldn't have asked for a better time. It was also so neat because he got to feel baby girl moving around and it was just.... that's a good feeling. It made me remember back to the first time I actually knew what it felt like to look at somebody and WANT to have a baby with them.

I remember it SO clearly!  I was washing dishes looking out the kitchen window at our backyard (the house in Missouri that was in the country on 48 acres) and I remember hearing the boys playing off in their room and building train tracks and just seeing Rob standing there on the back porch looking off into the pastures.  We had talked earlier about someday having a house like that in the country: lots of chickens, apple trees, a hammock. And I just stared at him and felt nothing but this incredible wave of emotion and thought how much I just loved that man standing there. I remember putting the washcloth down and running outside and just giving him a huge hug and he looked at me funny like, "What was that for?!" 

And I remember telling him, "I just.... I want to have more kids with you!" and he gave this high-pitched laugh like "ha! yeah ok. Maybe someday". And to think that that "someday" is now.  I guess you could call it a little "trippy" ;) 

Anyways. Obviously he had to go back to Missouri. I think we all looked like spider monkeys just hanging off of him. I am suprised he even made it out the door.  It was awful. Had I been able to (gracefully) run I am sure I would've been chasing after his car..... but running at 28 weeks pregnant.... not so much.

CHRISTOPHER on the other hand as soon as he saw Rob's car turn the corner.... he took off running in his little Bob-The-Builder pajama pants and ran all the way to the end of the block and just stood at the corner sobbing. Oh talk about having somebody stick a wrench in your heart.  He wouldn't even come in the house.  He just slowly walked around out front saying, "I think he's going to come back. Momma - Daddy's going to come back and stay with us, right?"

The rest of the day was pretty..... eh. 

Christopher wanted to stay in his pajamas all day so I gave in. I didn't feel like getting dressed or doing much of anything, either.  The fact that the weather was gray and drizzly and it started to thunderstorm around noon definitely didn't help in the motivation department. In fact - the boys just wanted to stay in the room all day. SO not like them.... SO THEY DID!  for 7 hours nearly. 

I stayed in bed.  

They came in my room and we all watched, "God's Not Dead" (loved it!)

Then finally around 7pm I decided we should probably eat something and since I did NOT feel like cooking we just went to the good ol' Subway shop. 

then promptly came back home and went to bed.

Tuesday I dragged myself to the Y to go swimming and I'm glad I did.... it really helped us get out of our funk. 

So : now we look forward to seeing him again. We miss him everyday. More so now than ever.

It's been incredibly hard to not just get into the car and drive down there. Let me tell you today I literally had to keep myself occupied so I didn't do it. I've been talking myself out of it, in fact.

I just want to go. But I know patience is a good thing. And that's something I need to embrace right now. 

Peace and patience.

Knowing that everything in His timing will be perfect.... 

As always: 

thanks for reading and letting me share our family's journey with you!

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